Got a pen???

Im the type of person that enjoys may things. Drinking, cookin, and hangin wit the crew are at the top of the list lol but two of my fav past times are reading and writing. I have often found comfort in a good book. Maybe its cuz I grew up as a only child and tv would bore me after awhile. I began writing early n life. I would write songs and poems that would come to be published and read at different events.

As I got older I gave up on writing until around my sophomore year in high school. I had a teacher who made us practice my different forms of writing and my love for writing came back once again. I've used writing as a form of therapy and self expession. Sometimes I can better express myself on paper than in person which some people find weird lol.

In past relationships I've used writing to effectively communicate my feelings, emotions, and thoughts. It helps cuz u get to clear ur head of everything and then if u want to u can read it to the other person so they can know wut goin on wit u. Well that has been my experience wit it lol.

Words r interesting...wit words u can tell a story, paint a picture, dedscribe things n such vivid detail that it feels like ur actually there. When I write I feel like its my expression n its purest form...like a mental cleansing.

Those that know me know that I usually have a ton of shit floatin thru my head. Thas y its sometimes hard for me to post cuz im conflicted as to wut to write about. Problems, headache, heartache, anger, and joy, are among the many other emotions, feelings, and thoughts that flow thru me. Sometimes its jus too much so I try to talk/write it out. Feels like if I don't release the pressure my head and heart will explode and ill be left an empty shell devoid of feeling anything.

So ill continue to write. As new chapters unfold in my life im sure ill have more to write. Im thinkin/hopin a particular chapter will start soon for me...and trust me if it goes well im sure ill be writing more and writing out of happiness. Lemme get my pen ready....

It's for the kids....right???

After an awsome weekend of chillin and cookin and dealin wit hurricane jawakabatima tryin to drown my phone, I had to go back to work on monday. Tuesday/wednesday makes it officially one week back at work and talk about bittersweet....sweet cuz the paychecks will be comin once again (thank ya Jesus) and bitter cuz once again im bein forced to work another crazy ass, makes no sense, who n the hell came up wit this bull type of schedule.

Im a Spanish teacher at a middle/high school and have voiced my concerns about being placed or should I say forced to work n the middle school component of the school when I know I would be better n the high school. For the past three years I've had to hold my tongue, or at least try, cuz i didn't have tenure and could be let go and not rehired. Well now I finally have tenure and I've been cuttin the hell loose. When I don't like how somethin is goin...trust and believe im lettin it be known...some call it rude, others call it real...I really dont give a damn lol.

Im one of the few teachers n my school who actually has genuine concern for my kids. My students know that im there for them for school, home, family and other problems. Some of them have my number and don't hesitate to call when somethin is goin on or jus to say hi. Parents have come to me sayin how their child talks about how much they like my class and me and have thanked me for helpin their child n any way.

Its such a great feeling.....however when ur bosses are a bunch of old bass ackward idiots who don't care bout nuttin but collectin a paycheck, it takes away from the joy. Prime example of stupidity can be found in scheduling....can some please explain to me why im teachin 7 classes...3 high school ad 4 middle school...I see the high school classes everyday but I only see each middle school class one day a week. How the hell do u expect middle school kids, or anybody for that matter, to learn anything about a foreign language when they only have it one day a week for 40 mins????? Ummm did I mention that I don't have my own classroom and my schedule changes everyday??? If anyone can find sense n that please lemme know cuz clearly I don't get it.

Currently im majorin in education administration so im takin a bunch of classes about how schools should be run. Every week im wrtiing a paper about how ideal schools should be or the legal aspects of education or communication in the workplace or some other type of rah rah rah. Can I tell u how depressing it is to know wut my school could be like if my no neck havin dinosaur for a principal wasn't there???

The other day I was meetin wit one of my 7th grade classes for the first time and they were doin their work. Now they were a lil loud but thas cuz they were havin fun doin their assignment. Why did the principal come n the room and told them they were too loud and blasted them bout how they should listen and blah blah blah....I was lookin at the rain while she was talkin....well after her dumb ass speech she leaves...but...as she leave she looks at me and...wait for it....the bitch rolled her eyes....come on now ur the damn principal and ur rollin ur eyes....lets be serious...if she woulda jus asked me wut they were doin I coulda easily told here and had them settle down......quite frankly I think its great when u have kids excited bout school work but maybe thas jus me.

Its only been the first week and im countin down the days till june...someone pray for me so I don choke a child, trip the principal, or drive my car thru the building.

Guess wut dad???

Happy labor day everyone....I hope everyone enjoyed their last day of summer cuz its officially time for us teachers to get back to work...oh joy lol

Well my father called me yesterday while I was at the beach wit the crew and left me a voicemail sayin my nana was havin a cookout. I haven't seen my nana in a while cuz I don't go to south jersey that often so I thought it would be nice if I surprised her.

So today I get n el carro aka re-re and head on down to good ol trenton to see my nana and my dads side of the fam. Now lemme give yall some background on my father. Our relationship hasn't been all that great cuz he's a druug addicted alcoholic who decided drugs were more important than raisin me and stayin wit my mother.....but im gonna leave the story there for now. Well...recently he's been reachin out to me and tryin to keep in touch but I've been keepin him at a distance.

Anyway today I had a really good time wit my dads side of the family. Had some cheap beer and some good ol nana food and saw some cousins I haven't seen since forever ago. Now here's where it gets a lil crazy...my dad gets drunk and starts fightin wit my aunt..but it was hilarous for me cuz they fight like brother and sister (maybe cuz they are right??? Lol).
Today I actually saw how much my dad and I are alike. It was a lil creepy at some points cuz I never wanted to be like him...at all...not in the least bit lol...but today I saw I am truly my fathers child...especially n our jokes and the way we drink lol.

After some more drinks my dad and I start to talk and get a lil emotional so I start tellin him how not havin him around has caused some emotional/mental issues in me that surfaced a few years ago...but have since been dealt with for the most part...everyday is a lil better.

Ok so like I said we were drinking and I came out to my dad....lemme say it again.....I CAME OUT TO MY FATHER!!!! it was like...hey dad....guess wut??? lol...the shit was priceless but it wasn't that bad..he took it quite well and said he loves me no matter wut and that he kinda had an idea...but wutever lol. So now both my parents know and I feel closer to my dad...hopefully our relationship will be better and I can finally get over the hurt, anger, and other negative feelings.

Internal Affairs....

Heads and tails
Left and right
Up and down
Yin and yang
Right and wrong
Tops and bottoms lol

Its all about balance...theres always something to counter its opposite. But wut happens when the balance begins to shift from one side to another??? Unrest...turmoil...headache...WAR

There are times when I struggle wit myself as most people do...its like there are two sides battlin it out...like the Spartans fightin Xerxes and the Persians lol

Salad or fries...fried or baked...gym or sleep...to smut out or keep hope alive...to care or not give a damn...to be patient or jus say fuck it...aren't choices great???

Sometimes I jus wanna say fuck it and do all the things that I don't do. Jus wanna let the Scorpio out and not care for a min...but I know it wouldn't be me.

I do a pretty decent job of keepin it together but sometimes it feels like one side is getting the best of the other and thus the unrest and turmoil begin...oh well its jus part of being human right??? But that doesn't make it fun.

Tops and bottoms
Right and wrong
Yin and yang
Up and down
Left and right
Heads and tails

On the shore...

Standing on the shores of change at the sea of fate
The waves of wonder crash and wash over me
Feeling destiny's mist spaying my face
But yet Im afraid to fully step in

So ill continue to stand here and look
Gazing into the sunset and feeling the breeze
Something catches my eye
Curiosity peaked, senses aroused, interest steadily growing

I've got to see wut it is...wut is this thing that's got my attention? Wut is this im feeling? Wait a sec....where did it go?

No longer content on the shores of change
Pondering as the waves of wonder continue to crash
As destiny's mist moistens my face
I still think about the thing that caught my eye
I can almost see it in the sea of fate

Still afraid yet somehow less I take the first step in
Will fate destroy me or will I survive???
Only time will tell
Change and destiny have conspired with wonder and fate so here I am.

Left to wonder
Wading thru fate...maintaining focus
Curious...
Determined....
Mesmerized...
Into the sea...

Jus Some Random Thoughts

So here I am at 12:40 am and have a bunch of random crap flowin thru my mind...warning these thoughts were written as they passed thru my head so there's no pattern or system or any of that other rah rah rah...

Why do I have to take out the trash so damn much??? I live alone (for the most part)

Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

Wut should I put in my new drink that im creating?

Wut other types of recipes can I come up with?

Why the hell can't I blog from my computer?

Why do people go to the gym smellin like hot bunrt wolf knuckels that were rolled in moldy cheese and left n the sun on a hot august day? (and im soooo not exaggerating)

Why if u move things by car it's called shipment but if u move things by ship it's called cargo?

Why do I smile to myself when I think about....? Oh u thought I was gonna put the name?? Oh well lol

Wut will the weekend will bring?

Who n the hell told me to go back to school? Its all a scam anyway...right???

Why is it that u can be with people and still feel lonely?

Why don't people realize how good they have it?

Why am I always bustin my ass reading or writing somethin...but dammit I gets it done

Why do I cook and not eat?

Why is it sooo hard to get a summer job? (Oh the joy of being a teacher)

Why don't I know wut I wanna be when I grow up?

Wut's n store for me in the future in different areas (relationship, career, car, house)?

How many ways can u cook chicken?

Didn't I jus get my hair cut?

Why is shit sooooo damn expensive?

Why is Wal-Mart the devil?

Why does it cost more to eat/live healthier?

Why are u so sore sometimes after workin out that u never wanna do it again?

Why is it 1:15 am and Im still thinkin crazy random thoughts?

Wuts on ur mind???

Rock a bye

::wiping drool from mouth and crust outta my eyes...looks around yawns and checks breath for freshness:: I don't know about u but my bed is stuffed wit crack, Tylenol PM, and Thera-Flu.  It's the type of bed that u have to fight to get out of.  I'm talkin about settin the alarm about a half hour before u wanna get up cuz ur gonna have to struggle and fight ur way out.  Now....I have a newer bed frame but my mattress is old as hell.  It was my Pop-pop's (grandfather for yall who don't know lol) but I got it when he passed.  I was thinkin bout getting a new one but the shit is sooooooo comfy.  I'm talkin about the type of bed that jus takes all ur aches, pains, and hangovers away.  I don't consider myself to be a late sleeper (shut up Shawn & Fuzzy lol)  its not my fault...its the curse of the bed.  Im tellin u it makes no sense.  Screw sleep number, air beds, and those beds that u can jump on without spillin the wine (who actually does that??? my momma woulda beat the jump outta me if she caught me jumpin on a bed...especially wit a glass of anything..im talkin bout not even a glass of air) my bed is the ultimate nights rest and if ur not careful the ultimate half of the next day's rest too.
 
And don't get me started on my couches....I haven't met anyone that could resist the call of the overstuffed sectionals.  Everyone who has visited me has passed out one time or another.  Think your gonna jus sit and watch some tv ummm......no.  Couches that can double as guest beds and provide a decent nights sleep...jus don't compare them wit the bed lol.
 
I've been told that its a combo of the furniture and the comfortable atmosphere that's in my apt.  Trust me...it's not set up like no hotel or nuttin...hell i haven't even done any decorating other than a couple pictures and some candles...but hey its wuteva....I'm jus glad that my friends are comfortable enough to come over, raid my fridge, and pass out after losing in Wii or PS2 games.